I am not very good at asking for what I need, especially if it involves someone else helping me or
providing me with a service that I cannot pay for. I know this stems from an underlying belief of not
being good enough. This feeling has been with me for a very long time, in fact I cannot recall not
having these feelings, these voices or gremlins creating doubt about what I can achieve.
My nursing career – or lack of it is one perfect example. Simple comments – both spoken and
unspoken by one CCU nurse (back in the 90’s the Intensive Care Unit – ICU was called the Coronary
Care Unit) that shattered my confidence in becoming a nurse. I have only spoken to one dear friend
about this experience and how because of it I did not think I was good enough to be a nurse. I made
up other excuses as to why I didn’t apply for nursing jobs after graduating – my husband to be, living
in the country and not wanting to do shift work … blah blah blah, all the excuses under the sun apart
from the truth – I didn’t think I was good enough and I was scared, even though my average grade of
80% plus would indicate otherwise.
Hindsight is a marvellous thing and I have often thought about the ability to write a letter to that
scared 25-year-old nursing student – yep I was a mature student to boot. The letter would be full of
encouragement, love and support. I’d let her know that doubt and fear are a normal part of life.
Most people feel this but they push through and focus on their goal. I would tell her she is kind; she
is generous and that being “thinned skinned” isn’t a bad thing – it means she is sensitive and caring
and the world needs more people like this. I’d tell her to be brave and go for what she wants. To ask
for things and that the worst-case scenario would be a “no” but to not let this deter her from her
But I do not have that ability to give the hindsight of time, to a younger version of myself but what I
can do now is acknowledge those gremlins of doubt that are still with me and push through. At
times there will be rejection but this allows for another door that I was meant to walk through be
opened. To remain focused on my goal and believe that I can win. That I deserve to win. Just like we
So, on Friday when I was in Invercargill, I put on my big girl undies and went into Wensley’s Cycles
and I asked if they had any bike inner tubes that they didn’t need. My recycled rubber earrings are
just that – recycled rubber from punctured bicycle inner tubes. And guess what – they said yes!!
They were happy to give me a big handful of inner tubes. I felt like I had struck the jackpot – pure
black gold for a recycled rubber earring maker. I was elated and it taught me a great lesson – that
we must ask for what we want and need. Don’t let those gremlin voices win. Acknowledge them
and then keep taking steps every day to reach our goals and dreams because we deserve them.
Posted: Sunday 27 September 2020