Time flies when you’re having fun but also when it’s busy. The last blog I posted was on the 19th of November. It was about Te Whare Tapa Wha – a health and wellbeing model. I would love to say with pride that I stuck to my own advice over the incredibly busy pre-Christmas patch – that is retail in December but I didn’t. I worked too hard. Ate way,way,way too much sugar. I stressed out. I cried. I yelled and screamed (not my proudest moment). Yep, I lost it just before Christmas.
But what was most interesting to me was how my whānau reacted to the outburst. I don’t normally scream and yell or stress out too much so when I did, I wasn’t really allowed too. It wasn’t accepted. To be honest I still find this a little strange and annoying now. What set it off was preparing food, for a dinner group we are in. It was on the 17th of December – a date pre-set earlier in the year, before my recycled rubber earring life. I asked for it to be postponed – it’s the busiest time of the year for retail. But it didn’t suit the rest of the group. So, I stressed making kai (which I hate because I really love to put aroha into the kai I make). Hours out of my earring making day to prepare kai that I had never cooked before. I even had to make base ingredients like harissa paste because our local rural supermarket doesn’t quite extend to that spicy!! My husband had also asked 3 times that day what time we needed to leave by … 6.40 pm please, to get there on time. He entered the shower at 6.32pm!!
It wasn’t pretty after that and I’ll say no more because we have moved on but the bit, I struggle with was that I wasn’t heard. It felt like to me that what I had asked for and said wasn’t respected. I’m mum – I’m not allowed to stress and because I don’t like to rock the boat (middle child syndrome), I frequently do not ask for what I want. So, when I finally did, no one listened.
In every situation that is a bit tūtae, I like to look for the silver lining and that night I got some amazing advice from one of the guys at the dinner party, Chris. Three simple letters – AGI which stand for “Assume Good Intent”. When tūtae situations happen to you, or someone is just a tad annoying, assume good intent, AGI. Since this pre-Christmas party I have said these three words often to myself and others. It has really helped to look at situations from an alternative perspective.
The other silver lining/take home for me from all of this is to ask for what I want. Say it how it is. I’m running with the idea that it is better to have a few smaller waves that rock the boat than a massive super wave that tips everything out and makes a hell of a mess. I do believe everything happens for a reason. Sometimes we can’t see it at the time through all the confusion and calamity but that silver lining is there, just waiting to be polished up.
As always take care and aroha nui
Posted: Wednesday 6 January 2021